my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
