Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
