You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
