Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just crazy horny about you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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