bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
