Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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