oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
