guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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