I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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