Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
