"it" just moved
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
