Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
