So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
