I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
