I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
