seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize