laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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