im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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