The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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