We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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