Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
