Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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