Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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