I'm so fucking centered right now
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
