Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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