tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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