I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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