Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
