WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
