then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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