A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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