listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
