I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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