Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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