your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
