I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
