The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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