it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
