You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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