sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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