Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
