At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
