Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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