Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
