You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
