you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just puked most of my soul out..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
