so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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