Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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