One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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