i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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