Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Congratulations! We have a period
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
