We named our party play list daddy issues
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize