I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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