therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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