I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
