I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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