my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
