I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
