i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
