hell yes lets make some ravioli
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
