this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
