when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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