I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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