Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
