She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
