just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
