at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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