what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
