I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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