my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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