i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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