That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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