If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize