dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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